So Many Doors Of Pain

My mind is full of many doors
Where lots of secrets dwell.
Not many people get inside.
I’m scared they might just tell!

Door one was first established
A very long time ago.
I was only four to start with.
I guess I didn’t know.

By eight it had grown worse.
It hurt more than you could know.
I tried to stop and tell him.
He wouldn’t listen, though!

Many things happened
Behind this wooden door.
I learned to shut up and say nothing
So I couldn’t hurt anymore.

I was just young and small
What sort of fight could I give?
I lived a life of silence,
At times too scared to live.

Door two was small in comparison.
Just one event lives here,
Another horrid memory,
One fueled by lots of beer.

He came in one night mistaken.
At least that’s what I thought,
Until he wouldn’t go away.
Again, more pain he brought.

I can’t write what he did.
The word escapes my mind.
I just floated into dreamland
Until eventually he left me behind.

He came back within minutes.
Once obviously wasn’t okay.
I tried to tell him to stop and no,
But he wouldn’t go away.

I pretended it didn’t happen.
Went to school the very next day.
This door is heavy and solid,
Behind it this memory stays.

The third door is even bigger.
Betrayed by a best friend.
Again, the word no meant nothing.
It’s like it never ends!

There are other doors in there,
Although these are relatively small.
I often look for reasons.
Deep down aware there’s none at all!

It’s easier to blame myself.
That way there’s a reason.
However, shame and anger linger.
Tears may come this season.

These doors need to be opened
To make room inside my head.
I want it to be a happy place,
Not one that’s full of dread!


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